Spiritual self-discovery smacked me in the face around July last year while I was literally sitting in my car in the Sheetz parking lot in some random Ohio town eating a jalapeño sausage biscuit that was somehow both too hot and too cold at the same time, just staring at the dashboard like “……..who even am I right now?”
I’m not kidding. 32 years old, semi-okay remote job, apartment that smells 60% like burnt popcorn 40% like whatever candle I tried to fix the smell with, and I suddenly had zero idea what actually mattered to me besides doomscrolling and caffeine.
So yeah. That was the glamorous start of my spiritual self-discovery era.
Why Spiritual Self-Discovery Feels Embarrassing as Hell in the Beginning
I used to make fun of those “rise and grind” sunrise yoga people on Instagram. Like full eye-roll, “get a real problem” energy.
Then I became one. Except worse.
I ordered a $12 amethyst chunk off Amazon Prime because a girl with 400k followers said it “raises your vibration.” It’s currently sitting on my windowsill collecting dust next to three empty LaCroix cans and a succulent I murdered by over-loving. Still waiting on that vibration raise tbh.
Here’s a visual take on that hilariously relatable scene you described:
Real talk though: spiritual self-discovery doesn’t usually arrive looking cute. It shows up as anxiety that makes your chest feel like it’s caving in, random crying in the shower, staring at the ceiling at 3:47 a.m. going “is this seriously my life?”
If any of that sounds familiar congrats(?) you’re probably already knee-deep in it.
Stuff That Kinda Helped Me (and Stuff That 100% Did Not)
Here’s the honest-unfiltered beginner list from someone who still has no clue what they’re doing:
- Journaling but like… messily Tried those aesthetic dotted journals with prompts like “What lights up your soul?” Hated it. Now I just grab whatever spiral notebook is within arm’s reach (usually a free one from a conference) and write whatever garbage comes out. Sometimes it’s just “I hate this” repeated 47 times. Sometimes one sentence makes my stomach drop in a good way. Both are valid I think.
- Sitting still without doomscrolling for like five whole minutes Impossible at first. My record was 38 seconds before I “just checked” Twitter. Now I can sometimes hit 6–9 minutes before my brain starts yelling about unread Slack messages. Baby steps.
- Actually reading books instead of skimming quotes Started with The Power of Now because literally everyone said so. Hated the first third. Kept reading anyway. Ugly-cried on page like 124 on my couch at 2:30 p.m. on a random Wednesday while my DoorDash pizza got cold. 10/10 recommend the ugly cry.
- Walking in circles around my crappy local park There’s this sad little loop near my place that always smells like Canada geese and damp grass. Started going there every morning just to escape my own head. Turns out walking + asking yourself scary questions = weirdly powerful. Didn’t expect that.
Things that were complete wastes of money/time/energy:
- Trying to meditate 30 minutes when I was already spiraling
- $65 “chakra alignment” candle that smelled like regret and artificial vanilla
- Comparing my three-sentence journal entry to some influencer’s perfectly lit flat-lay spiritual setup
The Extremely Honest Part: I Still Don’t Have It Figured Out
It’s literally January 15, 2026 right now as I’m typing this on my couch in the same hoodie I’ve worn for three days, there’s mystery stain on my left thigh, my cat just knocked over a half-full water glass, and I still don’t have some neat “I found my true self!!” moment.
Spiritual self-discovery isn’t a level you beat. It’s more like accidentally signing up for an endless side quest where the map is missing and the NPCs keep giving you contradictory advice.
But the tiny shifts are happening whether I like it or not.
I swear at traffic less (sometimes). I actually respond to my mom’s texts instead of letting them sit for 72 hours. Looking in the mirror doesn’t make me want to immediately look away anymore.
(That hoodie life is real.)
Small. Messy. Real.
Where I’m At Literally Right Now (Mid-January 2026)
Still in the Midwest. Still ordering too much DoorDash when I’m overwhelmed. Still cursing at my Wi-Fi extender every other day.
But also:
- That stupid amethyst is still there, I actually dusted it last week
- I have one (1) living plant now — a little snake plant I named Steve
- I’ve been trying to ask myself “what am I actually feeling right this second?” at least once a day even when the answer is “tired and annoyed”
If you’re reading this and spiritual self-discovery sounds pretentious or impossible or like something only people with perfect morning routines do… I get it. I’m right there with you being messy and skeptical.
